In a long overdue victory for regular Americans, Joe Biden today hired his administration’s first seemingly normal person to be the White House’s Secretary of Mediocrity.

Pat Morgenthal, the new Secretary, underscores Joe Biden’s pledge for unity and creating an administration that represents all of America.

Biden acknowledged that normal people were the only ones left not represented by his administration.

Like Pete Buttigieg, who was hired because he’s gay; Rachel Levine, who was hired because he’s trans; Sam Britton, who was hired because he’s an eggheaded freak show; Robert Fenton, who was hired to represent the Satin-worshipping segment of the population; Alejandro Mayorkas, who was hired because he speaks the same language as those he’s letting into the country; or Karine Jean-Pierre, who is the first gay and black Press Secretary, Morgenthal was hired to represent the small minority of normal people still residing in America.

Morgenthal brings with him a startling normal resume with experiences that directly relate to his role and, coincidentally, prove he can do the job assigned to him.

Democrats were quick to criticize Biden’s selection, pointing out their lack of comfort with someone who may be potentially qualified for the role. However, they did pledge to quickly investigate him to illustrate the need for other regular Americans to keep their mouths shut and go along – lest they, too, be targeted for investigation.