Due to one the greatest overreactions in American history, we seem to have collectively decided that because of the unnecessary death of one black man due to questionable police tactics, all of the police men and women across the entire United States wakes up every morning hoping for a 911 call so they can show up, find the nearest minority, and start shooting.

The thing is, not everyone seems to be on board. In fact, it appears many people like and support their local police force and would not only like to see them funded, but would actually like more of them.

Stranger still, it appears from polling data that a vast majority of blacks would also like more, not less, police funding. This isn’t obvious to everyone, but it appears they understand what happens to neighborhoods when there’s no police presence. (And for those who didn’t know it, they’re certainly finding out now.)

Given all this, I’m still for defunding the police… completely.

We should take all money away from the police and privatize the entire operation.

Given how good technology has gotten with getting and maintaining subscription services from companies as diverse as Spotify, Verizon, DirecTV, SimpliSafe, and a host of other monthly subscription-based businesses, it’s time to apply this model to the police.

The way this works is that some company, say Police Inc, sets up shop and hires private police officers for every city across the land. To access their services, you have to subscribe.

Whenever you need police services, you simply call their switchboard. When you call, their software immediately detects whether or not you are a subscriber, and where you are, based on the geolocation of your phone. They can confirm on the call you are where your phone is, and send help right away.

For those who chose not to subscribe, they can just enjoy the results of whatever catastrophe strikes them. Of course, if a nonsubscriber calls, they will be upsold into a contract. So, for example, if you are being robbed, but you’re not a subscriber, they will ask you if you’d like to subscribe. Perhaps there’s also a one-time usage fee, which would be much larger than the monthly subscription.

I know, I know. Certainly there would be people in areas who could afford the subscription (similar to how there are families in horrible education areas with decaying schools and teachers who aren’t fit to teach in those conditions). For those people, we would give them state-sponsored vouchers to use toward the service, much like they might use vouchers to find a better school than what the teacher’s union-supported teachers are supplying. Naturally, there would be qualifications to apply for and get these vouchers.

Like with pretty much everything, the freedom-driven capitalistic approach solves this problem by allowing people who want this solution the option to have it, while not mandating that those who don’t want the police to show up and start indiscriminately killing the nearest minorities have to have the service.

Seems like a win-win for everyone.